The Direction of Reconciliation

The Direction of Reconciliation

2 Samuel 14:1-33

 

Read: 2 Samuel 14:1-14

 

Last week we studied 1 Samuel 13, where we found ourselves in the middle of the whirlwind that began in David’s family. It was a whirlwind that we saw began in David’s life and family after what the Bible describes as “David’s great sin” in 2 Samuel 11. David was then confronted by the prophet Nathan and that confrontation led to a confession on David’s part. In chapter 12 Nathan reminded David that he was forgiven by God, but that there was going to be some fallout in his family, he and his family would reap consequences from his sin.

David, through his transgression had brought trouble upon his life and family. Proverbs 11:29 reads, “whoever troubles his own household will inherit the wind.” In Hosea 8, a famous scripture is given. It came to God’s people at time when they had turned from God, they had disregarded him and were walking in their own ways apart from Him.

 

Hosea 8:7, They sow the wind and reap the whirlwind.

 

Galatians 6:7-8, Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

 

We have been looking at these Scriptures throughout these chapters and as the story continues, their truth becomes clearer. We have also been referencing Romans 15:4 and 1 Corinthians 10:6, which remind us that what is written in the Old Testament was written for our instruction, what took place is there for us as examples. Sometimes we get examples to follow, and other times examples of what to avoid and flee from. Early in David’s life, we given a great example of faith and faithfulness from David’s life, now we are in a section where we are given examples to avoid in our lives.

After the warning came in chapter 12, we saw the whirlwind whip up in chapter 13. Chapter 13 began by telling the sad story of firstborn son Amnon and his sexually desire for David’s only named daughter, Tamar. Amnon along with his cousin, made devised an evil plan to get Tamar into his room where he then forced himself on her against her will. He then hated her and sent her away in distress and disgrace. When her brother Absalom found out about it, he provided concern, care, and a place for his sister. In response, we learned that David was angry, but he did nothing about the tragedy. There was no justice administered, no correction to the sin of his son, and no compassion shown to his daughter.

After two years of inaction, Absalom decided to take the matter into his own hands. Things then went from bad to worse and rather than getting better they get bitter. After two years, Absalom devises a plan of his own and had Amnon killed. He then left to the town of Geshur, which was his mothers’ hometown. His grandfather was king of Geshur and he would remain there for three years.

 

2 Samuel 13:37-39, Now Absalom had fled and gone to Talmai the son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day. So Absalom had fled and gone to Geshur, and was there for three years. And the heart of King David longed to go out to Absalom; for he was comforted regarding Amnon, since he was dead.

 

Illus. The wind.

 

We pick up in chapter 14 at the end of Absalom’s three years in Geshur…

 

2 Samuel 14:1, Now Joab the son of Zeruiah perceived that the king’s heart was drawn toward Absalom.

 

From the end of chapter 13 and beginning of 14, we know that there was a longing in David’s heart to go to his son Absalom, from the beginning of chapter 14, we know that his heart was drawn toward Absalom but he would not go to him. We looked last week at David’s inaction when it came to his children. He would not bring correction to his son who needed it, he would not bring compassion and comfort to his daughter who cried out for it, and as we pick up this story, we will see that he had not pursued reconciliation with his son when it was time for it.

It was Joab who saw the situation, and devised a plan to compel David to action and this is where we pick up the story this morning. Joab was the commander of David’s army and his nephew. Joab took it upon himself to try and reconcile the situation somehow. Many commentators believe that the likely situation was that Joab was concerned about the security of the nation and David personally. It had been three years Absalom had been away. Absalom was angry over David’s inaction in the situation and it was danger to have him growing more and more embittered in another country. Joab’s plan was to bring about reconciliation.

           

2 Samuel 14:1-3

 

After bringing in the woman from Tekoa, Joab told her to pretend to be a woman in morning. He essentially says, “Don’t put oil on your head, don’t freshen up or take a shower for several days, put on mourning clothes, then go to the king and tell him the story I am going to tell you.” Joab must have known that David loved a good story. It was after his sin with Bathsheba that Nathan told a story about a man and his sheep, then applied it to David personally. The woman will come to David and ask for a decision surrounding her family story, then she will apply it to him personally.

This leads us to our first point this morning surrounding the direction of reconciliation in our lives presently…

 

1. Settle On God’s Side in Your Story

 

• As the woman tells the story, we understand from verse 3 that Joab put the words of the story in her mouth…

 

2 Samuel 14:4-7, Now when the woman of Tekoa spoke to the king, she fell on her face to the ground and prostrated herself, and said, “Help, O king!” And the king said to her, “What is troubling you?” And she answered, “Truly I am a widow, for my husband is dead. And your servant had two sons, but the two of them fought in the field, and there was no one to save them from each other, so one struck the other and killed him. Now behold, the entire family has risen against your servant, and they have said, ‘Hand over the one who struck his brother, so that we may put him to death for the life of his brother whom he killed, and eliminate the heir as well.’ So they will extinguish my coal which is left, so as to leave my husband neither name nor remnant on the face of the earth.”

 

• The story the woman tells David is that she needs help from him because her husband died, she is a widow and had two sons and they were all she had left.

 

• She said that her two sons had gotten into a fight and one son had killed the other son. Now the rest of the family has come to her asking her to hand over the son who lives so that he may be put to death for the life of the brother he killed.

 

• The family coming after the remaining son was a reference to the custom of the avenger of blood. The penalty for murder was death (life for life), and in the custom of the avenger of blood there was a responsibility on the part of nearest male relative of the murdered person to seek justice through vengeance killings. When it came to murder, this custom of well-known and acceptable under certain circumstances in Mosaic Law (Numbers 35:19).

 

• There were some protections in place for accidental deaths and there were cities of refuge (Numbers 35:9-34), but the woman is not making a case for his innocence, but rather, she says “if he is killed, my coal will be extinguished, my deceased husband will no longer have his namesake, and I will not have anyone to provide for and protect me.”

 

• It is not David’s same story, but a sad story involving a son who in anger murdered the other…She wants the king to hear the story, pick a side, and offer a verdict.

 

2 Samuel 14:8-10, Then the king said to the woman, “Go to your home, and I will issue orders concerning you.” The woman of Tekoa said to the king, “My lord, the king, the guilt is on me and my father’s house, but the king and his throne are guiltless.” So the king said, “Whoever speaks to you, bring him to me, and he will not touch you anymore.”

 

• While David responds to her, he didn’t immediately give a decision on the matter. He said, head home, I will issue some order concerning you…She pressed some more…Then he says, “if people are giving you are hard time, just send them my way.”

 

• She wouldn’t stop there, however. David was saying good things, but he was not making a ruling. She would press him further…

 

2 Samuel 14:11 Then she said, “May the king please remember the Lord your God, so that the avenger of blood will not continue to destroy, otherwise they will destroy my son.” And he said, “As the Lord lives, not one hair of your son shall fall to the ground.”

 

• Finally, David made a decision surrounding the son in her story. It was what she was hoping to hear.

 

• In providing mercy for her son, David looked past the sin of her son, he provided mercy rather than justice and judgement in compassion to her family and story.

 

• David recognized the importance of mercy and in her story, he ruled according to mercy…. this is exactly what she (and Joab) wanted him to see.  

 

• And mercy is a beautiful thing God gives.

 

Micah 7:18, Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. (NIV)

 

• It is also something David knew personally…

 

Psalm 51:1, Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; according to the multitude of Your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions.

 

• In light of the great mercy we have been given, it is also something the Scripture calls us to toward one another.

 

Luke 6:36, Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Matthew 5:7, Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.

 

James 2:13, Judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

 

• Many recognize the importance of mercy in relationship to God, and in relationship to others.  But when it comes to personal situations look at mercy and choose differently.

 

2 Samuel 14:12-13, Then the woman said, “Please let your servant speak a word to my lord the king.” And he said, “Speak.” The woman said, “Why then have you planned such a thing against the people of God? For in speaking this word the king is like one who is guilty, in that the king does not bring back his banished one.

 

• The woman confronts the king. She is essentially saying, you are quick to go the way of mercy in my story, but you have a son who is estranged from you because he killed his brother… Now you see my story, you went the way of mercy, why aren’t you showing your son mercy?

 

• When it comes to reconciliation, forgiveness, mercy, sometimes it is clearest to see when looking at someone’s else’s situation. This was true with David.

 

• David heard the story and seemed to get on God’s side in the story, he displayed understanding, compassion, mercy, a second chance.

 

• But when it came to his family, it was complicated.

 

Illus. Do you know?

 

• David no doubt, was in a difficult situation. It was filled with complications. But from what we know of the situation, he had settled on his own side in the story.

 

Illus. 3 Sides.

 

Matthew 18:15, “Now if your brother sins, go and show him his fault…

 

Matthew 5:23-24, Therefore, if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.

 

• Reconciliation is often a two-way street. It is restoration of a relationship to a harmonious state. Which means that the relationships in need of reconciliation are those that are in discord. There were three sides in the story, David’s side, Absalom’s side, and God’s side. This is true for you and me as well.

 

Hebrews 12:14, Make every effort to live in peace with everyone… (NIV)

 

1. See That Opportunities Have a Timeline

 

• After turning the attention to David’s story, the woman turns David’s attention to reality that the opportunity for reconciliation has a timeline.

 

2 Samuel 14:14(a), For we will surely die and are like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be gathered up…

 

• David’s unwillingness to go to his son had gone on for three years. There was no contact, no change in the situation. We are given the information that he longed to go to Absalom, his heart was drawn toward him, but he stayed distanced from him.

 

• The woman of Tekoa essentially tells him, life is short, and once we die, the opportunity ends, we won’t have the opportunity in this life again. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

 

• The Bible gives different depictions surrounding the brevity of life.

 

• She tells him, we will surely die, and once that happens, it’s like water spilled on the ground, soaked up into the dirt, and it cannot be gathered up again.

 

James 4:14, Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. For you are just a vapor that appears for a little while, and then vanishes away.

 

Psalm 39:4-5, “Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath.”  (NLT)

 

Psalm 90:12, So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

 

• She is expressing the importance of reconciling with his son while he still has time.

 

Romans 12:18, If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people.

 

• This means we do our best to do our part.

 

Illus. Stories.

 

• God’s heart is reconciliation. The woman of Tekoa points to him as an example in David’s situation.

 

• In verse 13 she said, the king is guilty of not bringing back his banished one, then points him to the God’s approach and mercy toward you and me.

 

III.   Select the Pathway that Leads to His Plans

 

2 Samuel 14:14(b), …Yet God does not take away life, but makes plans so that the banished one will not be cast out from Him.

 

• As the woman pointed David to a picture of God’s posture toward the banished one, it is glimpse of the gospel message of mercy given to you and me through Jesus.
• God made plans for the banished one to be reconciled, rather than cast out from Him.

 

• God made plans, provided a way so that the banished ones, those stuck in sin and separated from Him, would not be cast out, or expelled from Him, but brought near to Him.

 

• We were dead in our sins, banished from Him, but Jesus died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and he was buried, and raised on the third day (1 Corinthians 15:1-5), making the way for us to be forgiven, brought near to Him, rather than banished from Him.

 

• In Acts 2:23, Peter was preaching to people who were far from Him, and he pointed to Jesus saying, He was God’s plan…and later, “the promise is for you and your children and for all who are far away.”

 

Ephesians 2:13, But now in Christ Jesus you who previously were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.

 

2 Corinthians 5:17-19, Therefore if anyone is in Christ, this person is a new creation; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their wrongdoings against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

 

• The word there for “reconciliation” involves an exchange, a restoration. There is a coming together, it depicts people exchanging something that would bring peace, or an adjustment of a difference.

 

• When it comes to the restoration of God, we turn to Him and our sins are exchanged in because He has made atonement for them.

 

• Through Absalom and David’s story, through their distance, through their posture toward one another, their settling in and digging in on their sin, we get a powerful picture of the Lord’s posture and plans for our situation.

 

• The woman says, God makes plans so that the banished on will not be cast out, but rather, He brings in the banished one.

 

Illus. Make Plans.

 

• In verses 15 to 17, after speaking so boldly to the king, the woman of Tekoa reveals that her story wasn’t sincere, but rather she came in and told this story after she and her son were threatened.

 

• Then in verses 18 to 20 David asks her if it was Joab who put her up to this. She responded “indeed, it was Joab who commanded me, and it was he who put all these words in the mouth of your servant.

 

• Based on what happened next, it seems that Joab was standing there the entire time, listening to the story as the woman recited the words he had put in her mouth.

 

2 Samuel 14:21-24

 

• In response to the story and situation, David decided to have his son Absalom brought back home to Israel, but David brought him back with exceptions…He was not allowed to see him.

 

• David had heard and understood the heart of the Lord. And based on his initial response it sure sounded like reconciliation was going to happen, but David was unwilling to see Him.

 

• This leads us to the last point for when going in the direction of reconciliation this morning…

 

III.   Step All the Way into God’s Will

 

• David took a step in the direction, but it was a half-step. David would take that half-step and then stick with that plan for some time.

 

2 Samuel 14:25-28, Now in all Israel there was no one as handsome as Absalom, so highly praised; from the sole of his foot to the top of his head there was no impairment in him. And when he cut the hair of his head (and it was at the end of every year that he cut it, because it was heavy on him, so he cut it), he weighed the hair of his head at two hundred shekels  by the king’s weight. And to Absalom there were born three sons, and one daughter whose name was Tamar; she was a woman of beautiful appearance. Now Absalom lived two full years in Jerusalem, yet he did not see the king’s face.

 

• Absalom was three years in Geshur, now two years in Jerusalem, no contact with his father.

 

2 Samuel 14:29-30, Then Absalom sent for Joab, to send him to the king, but he would not come to him. So he sent word again a second time, but he would not come. Therefore he said to his servants, “See, Joab’s plot is next to mine, and he has barley there; go and set it on fire.” So Absalom’s servants set the plot on fire.

 

• Joab was trying to reach his father, no response. He was trying to reach his assistant, no response. So he gets his assistants and tells them to go set his field on fire.

 

• Joab is stirred up by all of this. We will see as the story continues that he becomes bitter. He is fired up, he is angry. The field on fire could offer a picture of how he was feeling.

 

2 Samuel 14:31-32, Then Joab got up, came to Absalom at his house, and said to him, “Why have your servants set my plot on fire?” Absalom answered Joab, “Behold, I sent for you, saying, ‘Come here, so that I may send you to the king, to say, “Why have I come from Geshur? It would be better for me still to be there.”’ Now then, let me see the king’s face, and if there is guilt in me, he can have me executed.”

 

• Absalom desired to be back in his father’s presence. For his father to make a decision about him. For his father to speak to him, correct him in needed. “Let me see the king’s face!”

 

2 Samuel 14:33, So when Joab came to the king and told him, he summoned Absalom. Then Absalom came to the king and prostrated himself with his face to the ground before the king; and the king kissed Absalom.

 

• Absalom finally saw David, and while there seems a gesture of reconciliation with Absalom bowing before David and David kissing his hand, it is notable that there were no words spoken.

 

• David hadn’t seen his son in 5 years at least, now he is there in front of him, and though he has seen him, he is not speaking to him.

 

Hosea 8:7, They sow the wind and reap the whirlwind.

 

• Seeds of rebellion and bitterness were beginning to grow in David’s son. We will see it as the story goes on. But what becomes abundantly clear is that the Lord has a better direction for reconciliation.

 

• Through David and Absalom we see the importance of going in the direction of reconciliation. We can look on their situation and understand that reconciliation was the needful direction.

 

• Through David’s decision to distance himself for so long until a decision was forced upon him, we understand that David was not a perfect man.

 

• These things were written for our instruction, however, our instruction in relationship to one another, and to the Lord.

 

• When it came to reconciliation with David, he kept a distance. When it comes to reconciliation with Jesus, He welcomes us all the way in.

 

James 4:8, Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

 

• In Luke 15 Jesus gave a parable, a story about a father and son, to paint for us the picture of His posture when it comes to reconciliation.

 

Illus. The Prodigal Son.

 

Illus. Royal Mess.

 

 

 

2 Samuel 14:1-33